Who Says You Can’t Go Home
One time Jesus told this story about a rich dude who had two sons. The kids loved their old man, but, like most rich kids (read: those polo-humpers on the lacrosse team) the sons were entitled little punks who’d spent their high school years test driving BMWs and hanging out at Hollister. Especially the younger one (we’ll call him Chaz).
One day, Chaz got tired of stealing money out of his old man’s wallet and decided to go for the motherload. Continue reading »
That’s My King
(Editor’s Note: As you well know, we at The Holy Broble get a kick out of mixing the silly and the sacred, the holy and the hilarious, the canonical and the comical. We believe this is a good and worthy pursuit, and we hope you’ve gotten a kick out of it as well. But it does beg the question – where does one draw the line? Our answer is, “Right here.” Whether or not you gave up chocolate, meat, or swearing for Lent, you are no doubt aware that this Sunday is Easter. With the possible exception of Christmas morning and Mother’s Day, this is the most significant date on the church calendar, and with good reason. It celebrates the central event of the Christian life: the intercessory death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. This story is the core of our faith, and the culmination of God’s redemptive purposes for humanity. Through it we have life, without it we have nothing. And – though we enjoy a good liturgical laugh as much as the next borderline heretic – the fact remains that we do not want in any way to diminish the sanctity of this event. That said: we will be taking a break from our humorous posts this week to reflect on the majesty and mystery of the Easter story. We’ll see you next week.)
By: S.M. Lockridge
The Bible says my King is a seven-way king….He’s the King of the Jews; that’s a racial king….He’s the King of Israel; that’s a national King….He’s the King of Righteousness….He’s the King of the Ages…..He’s the King of Heaven….He’s the King of Glory….He’s the King of kings, and He’s the Lord of lords. That’s my King. Well….I wonder, do you know Him?…. David said, “The Heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament shows His handiwork. My King is a sovereign King. No means of measure can define His limitless love. No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shoreless supply. No barrier can hinder Him from pouring out His blessings. He’s enduringly strong….He’s entirely sincere….He’s eternally steadfast….He’s immortally graceful….He’s imperially powerful….He’s impartially merciful……. Do you know Him? Continue reading »
Eyes On The Prize: Jesus Heals A Paralyzed Dude
Jesus had this thing about teaching mind-bending stuff to large crowds of people, kind of like a non-crippled Professor X. Wherever he went, tons of people of all shapes, sizes, and Twilight preferences usually showed up. With Jesus there was no such thing as LOST fans or people that don’t hate themselves, there were just people. The religiously challenged people showed up to see him make a blind person see, the educated people came to see if they could outsmart him, and the alcoholics showed up to see if he’d turn more dirty water into wine. Continue reading »
Bringin Home The Bacon
Matthew 14:13-21, Mark 6:30-44, Luke 9:10-17, John 6:5-15
As we all know from Sunday School, one of the perks of being the son of God was that you could boss the natural world around like it was a Michael Buble groupie at a Metallica concert. Where most people saw a hurricane or a booze shortage or a dead person, Jesus saw an opportunity to show the Jews what an All-American he-man he was. The same went with Satan’s minions (demons, Pharisees, Lady Gaga, et al). They got about as much respect from Jesus as Nic Cage gets from moviegoers. Continue reading »
For Frodo!
Here’s a question for you: who creeps you out more, accountants or midgets? If you answered “all of the above” you would be correct. You would also have had some serious beef with this one dude in the Bible named Zacchaeus or “Zach” as his friends called him. Well, actually they didn’t call him that cause he didn’t have any friends, but he always told himself that if he ever made a friend, he would say, “No, it’s cool. Just call me Zach.” Continue reading »
Let’s Get It Started In Here
You know what’s really awesome? No, not Snuggie pub crawls. Well, yes, Snuggie pub crawls, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about wedding receptions. Wedding receptions are freaking sweet. Free food, free booze, free cake, tons of chicks looking to grind it out to some Kanye tunes. What’s not to love? If you can stomach being around old people in a non-Indian casino setting, a wedding reception is about the most fun you can have with your pants on. (Which is not to say you necessarily have to keep your pants on. Just that you can still have a good time if you do.) Continue reading »
Home Alone 8 (A.D.): Lost in Jerusalem
If you’re like a lot of people – and by “a lot of people” I mean “Will Ferrell’s wife in Talladega Nights” – you probably picture Jesus as a bearded white guy who looks like he should be playing drums for Creed. (Unless it’s December in which case you picture him as a head poking out of a cloth cocoon.) Don’t feel bad if this is you. You probably just don’t read your Bible that much. Or maybe you’re a Democrat. Alright, alright…same thing, I know. Continue reading »
We Ride Together, We Die Together…
So it’s the fall of 31 A.D. and this guy Fitzy was walking home from Jericho. Why was he walking? I’ll tell you why. See, for the four days before this lonely walk, our man Fitzy had been on a bender the likes of which hadn’t been seen since Noah’s post-flood Power Hour. He and his crew had been raging down in J-Rock all weekend; crunching Natty Ice by the case, smoking Marbo Reds by the carton, and getting amped out of their minds for the big soccer match between their beloved Jerusalem Jews and the rival Jericho Samaritans. Continue reading »